The Creation of the Worldney

In the beginning, Godney created the heavens and the earth… and then proceeded to record the vocals for Blackout’s standout track “Heaven on Earth“. But the earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep, and the Spirit of Godney was hovering over the face of the waters… so we would have to wait ‘til 2005 to listen to that.

And Godney said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And Godney saw that the light was good. And Godney separated the light from the darkness, i.e. she killed the lights. Godney called the light Day, and the darkness She called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day… and later that first day she performed fresh-off-the-press single Kill the lights to an audience of bewildered stars and lesser celestial bodies.

And Godney said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.” And Godney made the expanse and separated the waters that were under the expanse from the waters that were above the expanse. And it was so. And Godney called the expanse (and made us feel like) Heaven, 24/7. And there was evening and there was morning, the second day. Some scholars go as far as saying “Out from Under” was also loosely based on this experience.

And Godney said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. Godney called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together She called Seas. And Godney saw that it was good, so she shot a video of her work.

And Godney said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, on the earth.” And it was so. The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind… and also Smurfs. And Godney saw that it was good, smurfs and all. And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.

And Godney said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night… ‘cause all I really want is to hold you tight, treat you right and be with you day and night. And let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth.” And it was so. And Godney made the two great lights—the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night—and the stars. And Godney set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And Godney saw that it was good (but not that good). And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day…

And then She did a whole bunch of other shit but grew bored of not being worshipped and generally adored, so She created gays.

 

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